This website has been brought to my attention by several of my many slaves. It appalls and disgusts me. I would like nothing more than to be able to ban the sick filth contained within it immediately - just like I banned poor people. But I can't. This is not because I am not powerful enough - I have more power than you can possibly imagine and I could destroy you all with one raised eyebrow - but because, as the new King of Jersey, I have to appear to the rest of the world as though I am protecting your freedoms. In reality, I couldn't give a kipper's dick for any of your pathetic freedoms but, for some reason, it seems to be important to all the financial institutions that are helping to make me as rich as Croesus.
But I will say this. Anyone caught printing out any of these stickers - anyone found placing them in public locations for other people to see will be punished accordingly. We will put your tax rates up to 30% and we will ban Jersey Live forever. And what would be the point of living here then?
You have been warned.
BUT... should you decide to completely ignore my request to keep our fair isle free of my beautiful face, here are some handy instructions for you to follow:
First, you will need some self-adhesive A4-sized label paper (available from stationery shops or your employers stationery cupboard) and a scalpel or a pair of scissors.
Next, click one of the following images to download a PDF file containing the sticker artwork. Any of them will do, because they all feature ME. And I'm well good.
Print out the PDF onto the A4 label paper, make sure its on a decent quality setting.
Cut around the stickers following the dotted line, and customise to your liking. PLEASE DO NOT write rude words coming out of my mouth or draw cocks on my head. I shall be most upset.
Peel and stick onto something, the more blatant the better.
VOILA! You have now made me so upset that I'm going to lock myself away in my castle with all of your....sorry, my money and do a little cry. Sob.
Let me reiterate - you must NOT carry out any of the above instructions. I include them here only so you know what you must NOT do. Now get back to work and make me some more money you useless pieces of vraic!